5 Tips for Staying Sober
You’ve done the work to become clean and sober, and you want to do what you can to stay that way. Here are five great tips that will help you safeguard your freedom from a substance use disorder.
Encouraging Treatment: 5 Doctor Backed Steps to Talk to a Loved One
The conversation about addiction is never easy, but it is always necessary. If you’ve watched any of our videos featuring Dr. Bachar discussing common questions about substance use disorder, you’ve taken a crucial first step: seeking knowledge. Understanding that addiction is a chronic, treatable medical disease, not a moral failing, is the foundation for effective action.
However, this knowledge often leads to the most challenging question of all: How do I talk to my loved one about this? This post, informed by medical and psychological practices, provides a compassionate, structured guide on how to approach a loved one about their substance use, moving from concern to constructive action.
Step 1. Prepare Your Mindset and Your Message
Before you speak, you must prepare. The goal is not to shame or punish, but to express love and concern while encouraging a path to treatment. This conversation should be approached with a mindset of compassion, not confrontation.
- Choose the Right Time: If possible, select a time when your loved one is sober, calm, and not distracted. Avoid times of high stress or during a crisis.
- Write Down Your Thoughts: Draft a letter or talking points focusing on specific behaviors and how they have affected you. This prevents the conversation from becoming an emotional outburst and keeps the focus on facts and feelings
- Research Treatment Options: Gather information on local resources, treatment centers, and support groups before the conversation. Having a concrete plan ready to present reduces inertia and shows you are serious
Step 2. Use "I" Statement to Communicate Concern, Not Blame
The language you use is important. Addiction is highly stigmatized, and using judgmental or accusatory language will only cause your loved one to become defensive and shut down . The most critical communication tool is the “I” statement, which shifts the focus from accusing someone to expressing your personal feelings about their behavior.
“You are ruining your life with your drinking” = “I feel scared and worried when you don’t come home until the morning”
“You need to stop using drugs” = “I am concerned about your health, and I want you to get the help you deserve”
Step 3. Frame Addiction as a Treatable Medical Disease
As any Doctor would tell you, modern medicine views substance use disorder as a complex disease of the brain. It is characterized by compulsive substance use despite harmful consequences . This perspective is vital for the conversation because it removes the moral judgment and opens the door to medical treatment.
What to Emphasize:
- It is a Real Disease That Alters the Brain: Explain how a substance can chemically alter the brain’s reward system, making it difficult to stop without professional help. This validates their struggle while clarifying that it requires more than just willpower.
- Treatment Works: Just like diabetes or heart disease, addiction is manageable with ongoing treatment, including behavioral therapies, medication-assisted treatment (MAT), and support groups
- Focus on Hope: Frame the conversation around hope and recovery. You are not asking them to give up something; you are asking them to reclaim their life and health.
4. Set Clear, Compassionate Boundaries (Avoid Enabling)
One of the hardest parts of loving someone with an addiction is knowing where to draw the line between support and enabling. Enabling is any action that protects the person from the natural, negative consequences of their substance use, inadvertently allowing the addiction to continue .
Setting boundaries is an act of love. It protects your own well-being and, critically, allows your loved one to experience the reality of their situation, which is often the catalyst for seeking help.
Enabling Actions You Should Avoid
- Making excuses for their behavior or cleaning up after them
- Covering for them when their actions clearly stem from substance use
Helping Actions You Can Use
- Expressing your concern and setting clear, non-negotiable boundaries
- Allowing them to face the consequences of missing work or appointments
While these actions may sometimes seem harsh, it is important to remember that they are coming from a place of love and support. The goal of setting firm boundaries is not to punish, but to allow your loved one to face the reality of their situation, which is often the necessary catalyst for seeking treatment.
Step 5. Present a Clear, Immediate Path to Treatment
The conversation should always conclude with a clear, immediate next step. This is where your prior research comes into play. Do not leave the next move up to chance; offer to take it with them
Steps You May Want to Suggest
- Immediate Consultation: Offer to call a doctor, therapist, or addiction specialist right now to schedule an assessment.
- Support Group Attendance: Suggest attending an open meeting of a 12-step program (like AA or NA) or a non-12-step alternative (like SMART Recovery). Offer to go with them to a family support group.
- Drive to Treatment: If appropriate, offer to drive them to a local treatment center for an intake evaluation.
The journey of encouraging a loved one into treatment is challenging, but you do not have to walk it alone. By approaching the conversation with compassion, utilizing “I” statements, and framing addiction as a treatable medical disease, you are laying the groundwork for recovery. Remember that setting boundaries is a necessary act of love that protects both you and your loved one, allowing them to take the critical step toward professional help. The path to recovery begins with this courageous conversation, and support is available every step of the way. If you or a loved one is struggling please contact our office for advice or to set up a consultation.
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